I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
