Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
