If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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