I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
