where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Bring me that man meat
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
