You don't have asthma, your pregnant
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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