We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
