I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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