Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
