You made me cry and you don't even care
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
