Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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