I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
