I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's never too late to be topless.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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