Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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