just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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