Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
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