covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
