i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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