nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Randomize
