he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
