have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
