my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
