Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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