My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize