this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
