Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
