A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
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I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
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I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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