We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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