Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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