from now on my penis is your penis
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
the day after is always just damage control
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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