where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
