Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
