Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
