the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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