I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
