You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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