i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
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Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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