just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
