So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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