They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
