i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
