so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
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she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The air was thick with penises
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
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Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.