Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?