he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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