just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
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