love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
