Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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