I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
