apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
