Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
