It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My dick has a subreddit
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
