My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
