Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
