He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We are two peas in an std pod
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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