dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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