i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
