The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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