the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
