i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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