I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
