the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
