is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
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The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He better not be in your backpack
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
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So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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