They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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