I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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