God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
