matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
