Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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