i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I met the friendliest cop last night
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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