What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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