Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She's like a pop up book from hell.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Randomize
