Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize