If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
