my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
