He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
