New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
