Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
